A Thought and Some Words

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I mean seriously! Dominos thought it was cute to charge some FIFTY TWO DOLLARS AND FORTY ONE CENTS for 3 large pizzas. What ever happened to the 5-5-5 or 7-7-7 deal? But first of all....
I call to make the order and there is an automated system to speak with... I mean speak to and it thought I said "salami" when I said peppers... That is, by the time I got to that point-- several minutes into the call.
How retarded is Dominos that they have a stupid machine for us to talk to now instead of a friggin human voice? Not that the human voice I spoke to (eventually) was much better. I finally got feed up with the automated piece of S*^! and screamed in the phone, " Can I just speak to a person?!" It certainly understood that.
So then what happened? (Is what you're thinking....)
I get this bimbo who apparently missed preschool and every subsequent class all so she could make my irritability hit the freakin roof!!!!!! I finally get her to understand my order and she tells me, "That will be 52 dollars and 41 cents." I thought for sure I had that wrong so I say (sort of cautiously), "Did you say 52 dollars and 41 cents?"
Not "Yes that's what I said," but this nervy chick says, " That will be 52 dollars and 41 cents." I got really irritated! (Bet you can't tell....) I was like, "Are you serious that 3 pizzas and some crappy cheesy bread cost 52 DOLLARS AND 41 CENTS?!" "Yes ma'am." "I'll call you back!"
And, I was going to; however, another call came through, and I let that person talk me out of it. I vaguely thought of driving to the place and cursing them out for even having the balls to-- 1. have a retarded automated system and then, 2. for having the bigger freakin kahunas to tell me that 3 freakin pizzas would cost me a Coach bag.
So, then my friend and I decide to go to this nice diner near my home.
Now let me first assert that yesterday I had 3 (yes that's what I said- 3!) teeth pulled out. Don't you feel bad for me?
So, I was still so irritated because of that big sweaty ballsy place called Dominos, and then, on top of it, we get Viktor, a Russian (or something like that) dude as a our waiter. (I don't have one thing against Russians. i like them in fact. I just want you to hear his voice like I did.)
From the moment we sat down he was on top of us like a horny dog on a post man's leg. First thing we do is ask him to switch our table and before we even rest our butts on the seat he's asking, "Do you vant an appetizer?"
We were a little shell shocked at this point because he didn't just ask the question once but like 6 times. I got a little fed up and said, "How about you just bring us some water for now? And then maybe we can order a drink and appetizer in a few minutes." Viktor- "Oh you vant a drink? What do you want? Do you both vant vater? Do you vant something else? Do you vant an appetizer?" My friend was nearly speechless. More like stuttering at this point and so I piped in with "How about just water and you give us a few minutes?" Viktor (again)- "You vant vater? You vant appetizer?" I'm thinking, "what's with this dude and the appetizers?" So eventually I "convinced" him to bring us water. And then we ordered an appetizer to get him away for a few.
I swear as soon as he did, he became just like most men after sex-- totally unavailable. He came back like 15 or 20 minutes later for our order.
Now mind you I'm "high" on vicoprofen (by the way that's a new drug for me and I like it:) and I'm already irritated from the pizza wench, so Viktor did absolute jack for me. My friend was looking at me in a little bit of terror thinking I finally lost it completely. I told her how sorry I was when I realized that I was coming off as the next bug name serial killer.
So Vik comes to take our order. My friend asks if they can do a dish of linguine with fried shrimp mixed in. He takes her to the appetizers page. (seriously- vat's... I mean what's with this guy and the appetizers?) He shows her "shrimp three ways," and apparently thinks that's shrimp in linguine. So she got fed up and turns back to the pasta page and points to the picture and says "I'll have that." He repeats it back to himself (under his breath), "Meditteranean Seafood Pasta." So she says, "What did you say?" "Oh I vas just saying it to myself so I can remember it."We lost a lot of confidence in Vicky at this point.
So finally I get my food (after the appetizers, because God forbid we didn't order an eat an appetizer). I ordered a Roasted Tomato and Mozzarella on Rosemary Focaccia. I'm having an interesting time eating it, but it was a little soggy so not to hard. Half way through I get this sharp thing scraping inside my mouth. Instant nausea for me, and because I apparently needed to have something else causing my mouth some pain right now.
So I called the manager over. The manager swears it was a piece of tomato vine or something. I was thinking "vat tomato vine has marrow in it?" A bone? But who am I but the wrong customer? Oh wait! I thought the customer was always right....
Thank God Viktor thought everything was all his fault (just like any good man...sorry guys-it's just so easy to pick on you this day of mine). He became so attentive (like a guy who knows his girl is about to find out he screwed her best friend).
He didn't charge me for my entree. He kept asking me how I was doing. Told me that I looked really sick (which I did because I can't stand the thought of little bones in my mouth). And didn't even charge for the french fries I eventually ordered. Vik showed out so I gave him a decent tip. He was nice in the end but probably breathed easy once I left.
The manager was really just no freakin help. (I know I'm reiterating and backing up in the story but it's my story and I can do whatever I want!) He took the "bone/vine" out of my hand (after it was out of my mouth....eeewwww!) and then comes back with it in his hand to tell me what he thinks it is. Never once did he apologize, offer any comfort or speak of compensation. Thank God for our "Do you vant an appetizer?" man.
I'm home now and couldn't be happier about that.
Well, thank you for chilling with me even though this was full of hot air. I'm a little "light" in the head between the penicillin and the vicoprofen (again I like that drug). I hope you learn something from my story. Even if it's just that you don't go out or talk to people when you are irritated... or even don't wake up when you're irritated.
Well I hope you have a great night or day (whenever you read this).
Peace and love always,KamiMari


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